Metapocalypse now, Darling.
I was going to start by saying something along the lines of ‘the smallest things can turn your life upside down’, but the more I’ve thought about it the more ridiculous that sounds. This is a larger thing than I’ve been giving it credit for and my life hasn’t so much been turned upside down as been shaken up like a snow globe; give it a few weeks and the flakes will settle leaving everything looking more sensible once again.
About a week and a half ago I packed up my working life, lock stock and barrel and moved back into a real office with colleagues and social contact and having to wear clothes when you go to meetings and all that Jazz. It feels like quite the upheaval after four years of hiding in my hermit cave, but so far it has been both very positive and very welcome.
I’m getting more work done, feeling distinctly more competent, functional and valuable, getting a damn sight more exercise and more than that besides. I’m seeing and talking to my colleagues, my staff, the random people you run into when you’re all working in a bloody great hive of a building whom you exchange just enough social contact with to remind you both that you’re alive and part of a very odd sort of pack and I feel like I’m unfolding as if my sense of self was some sort of bizarre fractal flower
In one of those odd ironies I find myself quite strongly inclined towards hermitism – If I leave myself to my own devices I will hide from all and sundry and manufacture myself a little fortress of solitude. Yet at the same time I relish every little bit of contact with other human beings from the smallest smile exchanged with a passerby to the deep strong connections that make up friends and family and community and all those other heavyweight words we use for a sense of belonging. When I keep myself in contact with other people I am far more alive and aware ... it is far easier to be.
For various reasons this time of year brings on my urge to hide in a hole more strongly than most others. Perhaps it’s the lack of sunlight, perhaps the lizard brain is working on some kind of memory calendar it doesn’t vouchsafe to me but whatever the reason winter is when I can feel myself upping sticks and breaking ties most strongly. Last year I worked around it via the better living through chemistry route; this year I’m hoping to drown it full bore in love of life and so far it seems to be working.
The only thing that has been a bit of a bugger is the sleeping – I appear to be living in that weird time zone somewhere in tigovista inhabited only by Baroness von Katnapp which divides my time at home into a series of short periods of wakefulness divided by gratuitous 2 to 3 hour long naps. I’m hoping to hammer it out into something approaching a functional sleeping pattern over the next few days but right now it’s murder on the getting anything done front – we’ll see if I can work it all out this weekend so I can bore you with my holiday photos.
In other news, I think I have finally found myself the perfect spot to enjoy the Sookie Stackhouse based TV Series ‘TrueBlood’ from; I am attempting to cast aside those moments when the contrast between Charlaine Harris’ writing and the scriptwriters for the new show is too grating and simply regard the whole thing as fanfiction – a perspective which has the potential to improve an enjoyable series and prevent me burbling in a mildly disgruntled fannish manner just like everyone I giggle at on the internet – making it a win/win situation. With a mostly unwatched second season of Dexter, the most recent season of Battlestar Galactica, way too many episodes of The Closer and season six of NC IS queued up (not to mention my families attempts to get us into Spooks) Amy and I should be properly sorted with TV to huddle in front of during cold winter evenings.
Coming soon to a blog near you; the eternal quest for a good winter coat, Bollywood and Bellydancing in Harlow town, flying adventures in bat country and other stories. For the moment I’m going to finish this alka seltzer and have another go at sleeping.
Blue Skies
For the record, we're on season three of Dexter, not two.
If there's anything I can do to help with any of this transition please let me know, I want to help.
I said 'help' twice there and I know I shouldn't have, but my brain is sleepy and doesn't want to re-word it all to work in 'support' instead.
Amys last blog post..Sweet Honey